Forbidden Love

2004-05-23T09:46:00.000+08:00

midyear came and went quickly. ive gotten back all of my results and i think i deserved them, no matter good or bad. unfortunately, it wasnt time for relaxation. the express chinese people are busy preparing for their chineseolevels on 31may while us higher chinese students had too much free time after school everyday -gets throttled by o and c-

okay la, i admit im a lazy lousy pork la. i shouldve made use of those free time to finish some homework i didnt hand up (oops) before the exams, as well as to start on the holiday assignments. but i didnt. so, im starting today! after all, some quote did say that 'the only way to get ahead is to get started', and kenna once told me, 'its never too late if you start now'. haha. so, after the morning cartoons, im going to do all the stuff im supposed to do.

i had a very, very scary dream last night... so frightful that i woke up. the alarm clock illuminated the time 3:11am -shivers- even as i recall it now, it was horrifying... bah. heck it. its only a dream, right?

after the chineseolevels we're going to watch harrypotter3!! okay la, most are disappointed that sirius looked... erm, not up to expectations (lols), but dan radcliffe rocks lor!! so cute and so cute again in every movie -faints- emma watson also becoming more and more chio *^_^* and poa is my second favourite book in the hp series lei~ been visiting mugglenet everyday to check out the news. read some flames about the portrayal of snapes character in the movie. i think it wasnt appropriate too. nevertheless, want to watch it soon~ ((((:

had many plans to chiong outdoors during the holidays. i plan to use oneday to chiong it all, lols. cannot use to many days. later become too slack. i want to go to the zoo, the botanicgardens, the birdpark, eastcoastpark, want to eat expensive ice-cream (which will be fully subsidised by my financial support) XD etc. so many things ~~so little time~~ for me to look forward to. only hope that itll really come about lor.

cos is on hbo on 30may 8pm!! i SO want to watch it!! too bad o will be mugging chinese that night XD okay la, im so mean. jiayou for olevels, chinese peeps!

2004-05-22T15:24:00.000+08:00

as usual, this entry is going to be filled be lots of flaming and sacarsm XD well, finally the netball and basketball matches are over~ we didnt do quite well for netball, but at least we got into the finals (: i think our team did put in effort and played to the best of their ability. thumbs up for them. winning does matter in matches, but whats more important is to lose with grace, unlike some classes.

as mr moh said when we beat his form class (3e5), 'you all seniors bully juniors ar~' maybe we did (oops) but who would ever think that some sore losers from a certain sec 5 class would actually come and make things difficult for us. a certain big-sized, charcoal-coloured fatty bom bom tried to intimidate one of our players by scolding vulgarities and playing rough. lucky for us, miss ow was there to back us up, but i wouldnt say she was entirely polite either. miss ow was... aggressive? lols. she was along the sideline of the court and shouted as if she was playing the match herself. lols~ but at least that prevented a certain someone from trying any dirty tricks. i think our team won this certain class fair and square and there was no way we would re-match with them. i cant believe they were so sore that they went to cheer for every class that played against us T_T spastic childish acts, and theyre supposed to be older and more matured than us. guh.

i cheered the most for the basketball match. the guys team was really strong, although only two out of five were e4ers. it was definitely more exciting than the netball match for me =D i think the guys really deserved the champion title. we beat 5n1 in the knockout match and that will really shut them up for good. we're stronger than them, no matter in netball or basketball. if theyd faced their defeat with a positive attitude and stop trying to be funny maybe we wouldnt even dislike them. after all, they were the ones calling us names in the first place~ hmph. dumbos.

personally i feel that our girls team wasnt really that good. and it was only later that i knew that our team only had to beat one team to get into the finals instead of two teams like the rest. jes and ass kept saying that e2 was second T_T but as toot had said, the referees had been unfair during the e1-e2 netball match, so e1 lost to e2. but the fact was that e1 lost and thats a fact. so... erm... how to say? we shouldnt grumble and brood over the unfairness? anyway the orc agreed that a certain 'u' was only on the court for show. she didnt even jump when the ball was near and let chances slip by. but... lets not point fingers at each other ba~ she knows it herself and i neednt to rub it in here~

on the whole, i feel that these matches were only orgranised for us to relax and have fun and we shouldnt view victory as the most important thing. 所谓：“友谊第一，比赛第二。”and 5n1 ought to learn that.

2004-05-16T23:18:00.000+08:00

funny. there is actually nothing to blog about today T_T

well, for one, i havent completed three pieces of ancient math homework that were due before the exams started. poor mr moh, got pang seh by me again XD gomen gomen gomen onehundred times to you, mr moh!! okay, okay, i know thats of no use and i ought to get started somehow.

tomorrow? hope that chessy will be dismissed earlier lor. haiz. he. lousy pork. chinese no good. got 'special' coach. heiyer. i bet itll last longer than those in normal classes. 华烂猫! hmph! okay la, why am i here grumbling anyway? lols. i didnt even finish homework myself? gahh. later mr moh put me in the maths jc peer tutoring class with limzhengwen (u6, not too bad) and harrytanhaohan (u1, the worst) and i'll die of germ infection + humiliation!! so, the bottom line is: dont grumble T_T lols. some kind of nightcrap by jin here... mm... night time... makes me dizzy + drowsy... -yawns loudly- goodnighty everyoney!

2004-05-15T14:13:00.000+08:00

i feel so awful. i feel so rotten. i feel so retarded. i feel so redundant. i feel so spastic. i feel so lame. i feel so disgusted. i feel so juvenile. i feel so guilty...

if it had not been me.

youre always a pro at maths + physics. if it had not been me, you wouldnt ever taste the bitterness of failure. you would have a lot of confidence. you would ace them all. you would bring glory to your family. you would earn fame for yourself. if it had not been me, the lousiest pork in the whole wide world >.<

i hate myself. i hate myself for making you like that. your voice is so lack of enthusiasm and cheerfulness you usually possess. youre supposed to be bubbly and optimistic. all of that laughter has been robbed from you. if it had not been me. me. me. me! the ultra moronic individual in the whole wide world!

i feel like slapping myself over and over again. seeing you so disheartened pains me even more. what could be worse? i am the reason behind this torture you are going through now. i wouldnt even feel a single bit of joy if i scored well for those papers. id rather i fail them all. at least thats what i deserved. thats what i deserved for putting you through all that sickening crap.

now im not sure if you still want me to stay. knowing you for so long, youd probably sink into the another dilemma of whether to blame me for these or not. i know you couldnt bear to because youre too good to me, but the fact that i am the cause of it would probably bug you so much that you cant stand it. god. what have i done?

should i go or should i stay? i dont want to be the one doing all these to you. anymore.

2004-05-14T18:32:00.000+08:00

i cannot find a way to describe it. its there inside, all i do is hide. i wish that it would just go away. what would you do (you do) if you knew. what would you do? all the pain i thought i knew. all my thoughts lead back to you, back to what was never said, back and forth inside my head. i cant handle this confusion. im unable, come and take me away...

i feel like i am all alone, all by myself. i need to get around it. my words are cold, i dont want them to hurt you. if i show you, i dont think youd understand. cause no one understands. all the pain i thought i knew. all my thoughts lead back to you, back to what was never said, back and forth inside my head. i cant handle this confusion. im unable, come and take me away...

im going nowhere (on and on and). im getting nowhere (on and on and on). take me away. im going nowhere (on and off and off and on)(and off and on).

all the pain i thought i knew. all my thoughts lead back to you, back to what was never said, back and forth inside my head. i cant handle this confusion. im unable, come and take me away...

take me away.

2004-05-13T19:06:00.000+08:00

theres a piece of you thats here with me. its everywhere i go, its everything i see. when i sleep, i dream and it gets me by. i can make believe that youre here tonight (: if i could find you now things would get better. we could leave this town and run forever. i know somewhere, somehow we'll be together. let your waves crash down on me and take me away... i remember the look in your eyes. when i told you that this was goodbye. you were begging me not tonight. not here, not now. we're looking up at the same night sky, and keep pretending the sun will not rise. be together for one more night. somewhere, somehow.

2004-05-12T13:07:00.001+08:00

where are you, and im so sorry. i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight. i need somebody, and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on, so haunting every time. and as i stared, i counted webs from all the spiders, catching things and eating their insides. like indecision to call you, and hear your voice of treason. will you come home and stop this pain tonight? stop this pain tonight...

2004-05-11T13:32:00.000+08:00

weird... i feel weird. are the teachers mad? midyear seemed ~~as simple as eating apple~~ manageable. quoting from edwin, either we studied really hard (as if thats ever going to happen XD), or the paper was so difficult that we didnt even realise, or... the teachers are mad (i like this one. oops~).

i certainly hope its not the second possibility! XD

finally, tagboard is back in action and haloscan has realised its mistake and stopped dao-ing me XD looks like they really need a pep talk from me before they amend their ways XD so, please utilise the services to its fullest extent XD

2004-05-10T12:00:00.000+08:00

i tell you: yakuntoast ROCKS XD

just came back from yakuntoast. ate set d, cheese and kaya cripsy brown toast + teh tarik + twosoftboiledeggs. so hao chi lorrh!! and guess what? when i got home, theres no more gas, which means i'll have to wait for a long time before lunch is ready. luckily i went for the toast! =D

dad went back to indonesia le ):

physics... lets see... am i supposed to be an expert at it? no. so am i supposed to ace it? no. so is todays performance considered above expectations? yes XDD

feel like giving this particular cnr two tight slaps. can you even stand someone who doesnt bother to make the sixthmonthlyanniversary special for his girlfriend? and the excuse can be as lame as: oh~ exams are around the corner and my ~~pig~~ brain is full of [insert subject of choice here] stuff, so i just... forgot~ T__________T !! wuguiwangbadan! im ohsothankful that hes not my bf, or he'll get it from me! XDD k la, dont scold le, better leave it to the dangshiren to solve this problem herself, lest i make the matters worse.

and dumby haloscannnn! tagboard already duibuqiwo le and now youre doing the same?! wth. are all commenting systems on a strike or what? dumby!

okies. four more papers to go. so... just do it!

2004-05-09T19:26:00.000+08:00

second entry for the day. excuse: i didnt blog yesterday! lets do a recap (sounds like misschew? XD)...

well, it seems like the sumptuous mothersday dinner is going to be cooked by mom herself T_T cause i have physics tomorrow and gitzers just returned from her ~~stupid~~ movie trip and is tired out~ so... if i dont get off the com soon and continue my physics revision i'll be so duibuqi-ing mom. anyway, let me finish blogging first XD

im left with two chapters~ yay! (yay ge pi ar, people probably finished the entire tenyearseries le T_T) poor cran, sick and cant enjoy her ubin trip + cant study physics. i was almost sick just now. had shivers when i woke up from a short nap, and the weather was scorching hot lor. kongbu.

auntie messaged me online just now, but i wasnt at the computer, so i didnt reply her... later she angry. havent been in serious contact with crappers since i dontknowwhen and theyd probably say, 'glad you know (saka)' if they ever see me typing this. haiz. hey, im not supposed to sigh. ive made up my mind to be super + cheerful jin. well, virtually, at least? after all, virtual is just... erm, artificial? fake? hypocrite? ever heard of virtual reality? yeah, i have a cheerful personality in virtual reality, not in reality =D maybe the only time im really gee-y now is when the orc is having a hate-the-u's session or hate-the-[insert target of hatred at that point of time here] session. supposed to be put on a smiley face in front of my family as well. especially today - mothersday...

i mean, since it cant come naturally, and its needed, youll just have to fake. right?

2004-05-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

wahahaha~

just whipped up this layout during the midst of being bored to death by physics theories. so dont be surprised if i fail the paper XD i really cant stand the forbidden one le! its been up for soooo long le lor! goodness. and that dumby tagboard. how dare it shut itself down! i want my taggy board back!

well, first things first. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! especially to my dearest mom whom ive always been taking granted for. hope she loves the carnation =D went to eat breakfast at toapayoh, then dad and mom went back to the malaysia house to do gardening, gitzers out with dev on their ~~stupid~~ movie trip XD while me? stuck at home revising physics (which im not, currently). im supposed to~ well... left fourandahalf chapters... i think i need threequarter day to complete them.

saddy. episodesix of xiaolinshowdown has just ended. which means there are only four episodes left before another dumby programme replaces it!! waaaa... i finally got all their names right: omi, kimiko, raimundo, clay and master fung. lols~ that stupid jackspicer and that ugly purple ghost no need to guan la XD

okay la, since its mothersday, then i'll be a good girl and go study physics now. haiz. saddy (again). no tom yam lunch on tuesday cause of the geo1 paper. sometimes it just gets on my nerves >( i doubt wednesday would be exciting la, cause cant go far. just hope that after the chineseolevels things would get better.

itd better be ):

2004-05-07T18:03:00.000+08:00

whoopadodee! finally! its frrrridayyyy! serious slacking began today. i tried not to slack too much, but being me... XD i think its okay, cause mei is also working on her new layout for her blog >=) at this point of time! lols. thats so un-mei~ so... let the slacking begin!

went to buy carnations with chessy today =D $2.50 wor~ hope mom likes it ^_^ i bought a pink one with small yellow flowers as decoration. chessy bought a yellow one, but he told me its a hybrid (according to his profound biology knowledge XD) when i spotted streaks of pink on the petals of his yellowcarnation. i didnt notice that earlier! i think i a hybrid looks prettier =D

haiz. for once i thought i would really get a tulip... but~ 'see first la'. so... never mind lor. i dont think they sell tulips in singapore anyway XDD

had some serious stress relieving after departing from the flower stall/shop (?) XD went home after that. finally can get a decent break away from all the mugging =D hoof! well, i guess its time to pick up the momentum again. study study muddy jinny! lols. got to do some decent physics revision tomorrow, or i wont be able to enjoy sumptuous mothersday dinner at the luxurious restaurant that dad is bringing us on sunday XD

2004-05-06T14:24:00.000+08:00

我跟人群逆向在街上，从道路的两旁转小巷，在一栋被废弃的工厂墙上，涂鸦小时候单纯的愿望―穿白纱、当新娘……我又绕到广场看一看，闹区的电视墙在歌唱，歌词内容跟我的心情很像，我一个人站在红绿灯前看天上，看天上……我继续在街上晃一晃，花店的落地窗很漂亮，确定了感情该走的方向，爱可以是一种习惯―单纯的喜欢……对爱恨欣赏，直来直往……有一种勇敢，叫做原谅。回家的路上想一想，爱如果变难堪就要放，感情的事没有标准的答案，但欠人家的，你一定就得还。

注意：踩到狗尾巴，就像触电一样。千万别攻击别人最脆弱的地方。在餐厅打破玻璃杯也别慌张，碎碎平安保持仪态准备付账。就算看到恐怖画面先故作坚强，嘴唇发紫脸色发青干脆扑到你肩膀。看电影，感动就哭，好笑就笑，以免得内伤。如果男朋友偷瞄辣妹流口水，揍他几拳捏他一把问他懂不懂欣赏～

对爱恨欣赏，直来直往……有一种勇敢，叫做原谅。

我还在跟人群逆向在街上，从道路的两旁转小巷，在一栋被废弃的工厂墙上，涂鸦我对你种种的不满，你自己……看着办。

2004-05-05T11:14:00.000+08:00

SECTION A: SOURCE-BASED QUESTION (25 marks)
Answer all parts of Question 1

In answering the question, you should use your knowledge and understanding of the period to help you interpret and evaluate the sources. You must use the sources to which you are specifically directed but you may use any of the other sources where they are helpful.

1. This question is about the life of Jin. Study the sources and then answer the questions below.

Source A
The extract below is taken from an internet website.

exam number five..sucked..third paper i never complete..what the hell..dun care aniwae..went home after paper..nothin to do aniwae..gtta study lit too..hell..saw kenneth todae..as usual..he's showing mi third finger everitime he's sees me..and as usual i see it..but i dun feel anithing..y am i liddat?..i've been liddat for ayr alreadi..i dun feel animore..ok..i still do..but the emotions are always weird...have i broken miself to the pt where i juz accept mi fate? the "its mi fault feeling"..den even more of tt..sumtimes bitter anger..den juz coldness..numbness..i'm a fake now..i bet everione can see..tryin to laugh wen it's nt farni to me..tryin to smile wen i can't do it..tryin to bre happy cos i dun wanna spoil the modd..someone told me i pity miself too much..i realli dunnoe..its lyk i qns miself..mi character..mi feelins..mi thots..i'm so jaded..did i bring this upon miself?..even as i blog now..i'm so confused..whose fault issit..part of it is definitely mine..but can't u see mebbe it was urs too...i dunnoe..
walked with jx..zw n gang..felt so alone..always feel liddat in groups..dun realli noe y..i'm such a freak..explains y i stopped playin soccer..team sport..no wonder i like rollerblading..loner sport..no corking up..no pressure realli..juz freedom..i dunnoe..i dun want sympathy..i dunnoe wad i want..

Source B
Song lyrics from the Roger Cool CD.

Rice is nice, but I also love my fries. Mummy says that I should always finish my rice, then I can have my fries.

Source C
A photograph of the Zhonghua St. John Ambulance Brigade members (2001 batch).

Source D
An extract from an internet website publication by one of the ORC members on the Attack of the U's.

This revolting pontianak has even tried to make life worse for me than ever before. _|_ that fucking bitch. Nothing but a hypocrite. I'm going to TEAR her face apart!!!!!!! Disfigure her for the rest of her life (not that she isnt already), and boil her to pieces. **********FUMING************** Im going to poke chopsticks into her viscious thighs, make her elbows go 360 degrees and beat the living daylights out of that SUCKER. 马屁精!!!!! Bloody hell, KPO, Stupid irritating greedy imbecilic moronic spastic 贪小便宜 ,不要脸的东西, 乌龟王八蛋!!!!! This applies to both PHucking morons. To Hell with them!!!!!!!!!! I cant believe that i've landed in the school but to graduate with such mortifying memories. For those who doesnt even have an inkling to what im talking about, all you have to know is that there's two particular swines in a particular place in singapore.

a. Read Source A. What does the source tell you about the purpose of Jin's actions? [6m]

b. Refer to Sources A and B. How different are the two sources? Explain your answer. [7m]

c. Study Source C. What does the photograph show about the feelings Jin has towards her year mates? [5m]

d. Use Sources A, B, and D. Do the sources prove that the external events have a large influence on Jin's life? Explain your answer. [7m]

2004-05-04T19:48:00.000+08:00

you are the weakest link!

emaths! quite an okay paper because it was set by mr moh =D good ol moh never fails to give us all those l.b.s to tackle. dumby fan kept trying whisk my paper off my table and had me sprawled over the table just to keep the papers down while trying to constuct loci + draw graphs T____T !!

came home very early today. walked with o and c to the bus interchange, then continued the rest of my journey home alone. luckily i saw esther on 853, and talked to her for a while. shes quite nice to talk to (: and shes as guai as me, chiong home study XD

just finished memorising two topics for history and im left with four, two of which i plan to heck. just read johns blog and almost fainted. did he like say something about europewar not coming out?! garhh! sidongxi. shouldve visited earlier! shall call ahma later to ask her what gimhua said about the exam. since chew + chan set ss, gh should be setting hist...

once again must thank the tagger(s). todays winner of the best tag competition is... chessy! for being the sole tagger + visitor of my non-existent blog T_T

2004-05-03T14:20:00.000+08:00

just came back from school.

comments on the chem paper? erm, hard to comment XD all i can say is, manageable? haha. there were these questions on heat capacity and aqueous potassium iodide which made me go o.O? har? har? what lai de? whatever~ as long as i get enough marks to get me an a1 im contented XD imagine if i didnt~ but i'll worry about that after the exams =D

haiz, i feel so sickened. its as if we're exam machines. input, output, a1 generators. bleah~ i dont care, im going to feast on zhudutang + whiterice (yum! =D) then go bathe then start on emaths. i'll sleep at 10pm sharp. im not going to burn midnight oil (not that its of any use to me either). im going to go about life as normal as possible. no panicking, no worrying. just heck caring XD of course not to an incorrigible extent la =D

thanks for the taggy taggers chessy and thomas ^_^ haiz. i could use some concern nowadays ):

jinny jia you! yeah!

okay, i admit it. somethings missing today...

2004-05-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

just woke up from my threehour sleep.

had been studying chem since 11am yesterday until now. only stopped to eat + snack + bathe during 5min 10min intervals. but i loved the feeling of drowning in all the chemistry (:

left chemcal to study + practice on. everyone is probably having candlelightdinner with their chem texts + tenyears now while im slacking here. if anyone ever saw me online theyd probably ask: omg! what are you doing online at this crucial point of time? and faint. yar yar, whatever. im slacking can?

dont plan to do english compre. a bit duibuqi missten cause thats the last piece of work she'll ever set us until she returns from thailand. but... heh. dont plan to do cme workbook either. insignificant, according to qian. lols. well, i'll be prepared to receive a b or c or even a d (!!!!) for cme~ wont expect missow to be lenient on the grading ): but... heh (again, lols).

was a bit (yar, a bit only) comforted to see john blogging today XD which meant that im not the only one slacking. seriously hes the only one whose blog isnt on hiatus mode like all the rest lor. maybe i didnt visit those dumb powerwebmusic blogs la. maybe they updated but like i care about visiting and getting all those dumb popups + virus on my system and have to reformat my com again (and again, and again...). bla bla bla... the grumbling goes on.

anyway, im going to ace chem. haha. imagine if i didnt. some u's would probably print this entry out and never let me live the rest of my zhss life without humiliation. but... whatever la. i think im going ace it anyway~ keke! if i didnt then its too bad lor, but im sure i'll get full marks (okay la, close to full marks perhaps XD) for my olevel paper! muahaha! anyway edwin said he would get full marks for midyear lor. so, i can also safely say that ba? heh.

k la. better go back to chemcal before i kiss my a1 for chem goodbye XDD

sayonara!

2004-03-21T10:49:00.000+08:00

"Truly Madly Deeply"

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cause I'm counting on

A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning, yeah

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining
Brightly in the velvet sky
I'll make a wish to send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the
Pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the
Comfort and protection of
The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

Oh can you see it baby
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right here before you
All that you need will surely come

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

2004-02-22T14:24:00.000+08:00

"Remember Me This Way"

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
Hmm... This way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more apart of time, you're everywhere
I'll always care

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

2004-02-09T17:43:00.000+08:00

“你听得到”

有谁能比我知道
你的温柔像羽毛
秘密躺在我怀抱
只有你能听得到

还有没有人知道
你的微笑像拥抱
多想藏着你的好
只有我看得到

站在屋顶只对风说不想被左右
本来讨厌下雨的天空
直到听见有人说爱我

坐在电影院的二楼看人群走过
怎么那一天的我们
都默默地微笑很久

我想我是太过依赖
在挂电话的刚才
坚持学单纯的小孩
静静看守这份爱

知道不能太依赖
怕你会把我宠坏
你的香味一直徘徊
我舍不得离开